What I Always Wanted.

When I was little, I had two dreams. One, to be a famous country singer, and two, to be a mom. As I grew up, I quickly learned that unfortunately, my first dream was just not going to happen - seeing as how I cannot carry a tune to save my life. So, I was left with my second dream... to be a mom. Some people might think that is a crazy dream. Who dreams of getting peed and puked on all day? Me. I did. And guess what? At only twenty years old, that dream has become a reality.

I can't tell you how many people thought/still think I am crazy for being married and having a baby so young. I can see it in people's eyes when they realize how old I am. When I was pregnant, people asked me time and time again if being pregnant was an accident and jokingly ask me if I knew what caused that. Uhm, yes I do know what causes a pregnancy, thank you very much. (I could go on and on about how mad those questions would make me, but I'll save that rant for another day.) But people, this is what I always wanted! If you could make your dream happen at the age of twenty, wouldn't you?!

I can remember playing babies with my cousins and friends and arguing over who got to be the "mom". That was the role everyone wanted to be, especially me. Or when my mom's friends would have babies... I always wanted to hold them and play with them. I remember holding those precious babies and thinking to myself how I couldn't wait to have one of my own. And now, I do! I have my own baby to hold and play with, and I couldn't be happier.

But... As much as I hate to admit this, there are moments when I question my dream. Like when Kambree won't sleep at night, or when she won't stop crying, or when I haven't been able to leave the house in three days, or when she peed ALL over me at the airport. During those moments, sometimes I think to myself, "This is what I wished for?!" And in the moment, it can be really hard to remember all the good times and all the cute things Kambree does. When it is 2:30AM and I haven't slept at all, I'm most likely not going to remember how earlier that day she was so happy and giggly. All I can do is remind myself that this moment will not last forever. Even though it may not seem like it, that hard moment will pass and she will be back to her fun little personality. And sitting here thinking about it, the good moments FAR outweigh the hard ones.

But that is what being a mom is all about! I can't just hand in the towel when I've had enough and need to get out of the house. Through these last five and a half months, I've learned that being a mom means doing it even when it's hard and you might not want to. Because guess what? Those little ones need you to. And being needed is one of the best feelings in the world.

Yes, sometimes I miss going out with my friends and doing things that were easier to do before I became a mom. But I still wouldn't change one thing with how my life is turning out. I'm a wife to an incredible husband, and a mom to the most beautiful daughter, and I love it.

This is what I always wanted... It's a dream come true. 

It's All Worth It.

"Being a mom is the hardest, yet most rewarding thing you'll ever do." While I was pregnant, I think I got told this at least once a day. I never thought becoming a mom would be a walk in the park, but now that Kambree has joined our little family, I am starting to realize for myself how true that really is. Being a mom isn't hard in the same way that calculus or rocket science is hard... It's a completely different kind of hard that is difficult to explain.

It's hard because when she's screaming or crying, she can't tell me what's wrong.

It's hard because I only get to sleep for 3 hour at a time.

It's hard because no matter how hard I try to get her to fall asleep, she's her own person and will only fall asleep when she's ready to.

It's hard because most days I am not even ready for the day until about 1 or 2 in the afternoon. (If I even get ready at all that day.)

It's hard because even though I am home with her all day, I can't seem to find the time to clean my apartment or get all the laundry done and folded.

It's hard because she always wants to be held right when I am needing to get dinner ready.

It's hard because nursing is hard.

It's hard because being a mom is so demanding. It truly is a 24/7 job.

It's hard because I can't just do what I want, when I want to anymore. I now have another little person that I have to coordinate my schedule with.

It's hard simply because I am new at all of this.


While all of these things add up and get to be pretty exhausting, both emotionally and physically, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because once I've made it through those long nights and the hectic mornings/afternoons and she is cuddled up on me, I suddenly forget how hard the past 12 hours were. I forget that I am running on 3 hours of sleep. I forget all those things and  all I want to do is love on her because she looks so perfect and content. In those moments it is all worth it.

Lately I've been beating myself up about how messy and cluttered our apartment looks when I am home all day. But I realized yesterday that it doesn't need to look spotless all the time. Ten years from now I am not going to remember if there were dishes in the sink or laundry waiting to be folded today. Instead, I'll remember laughing as I watch Kambree stretch out on the floor trying to talk to me by making her adorable little monkey noises. In those moments, I fall in love with her just a little bit more.

Being a mom may be hard sometimes, but it would be a whole heck of a lot harder if I didn't have my amazing husband. Can I just say how grateful I am for him?! He never complains about helping out with Kambree or with things around the house. I know everyone isn't quite so lucky to have someone who is so willing to help with everything (including the messy diapers!), so I am counting my blessings.

There really is not anything better than being a mom. It truly is the best. Kambree has blessed our lives in so many ways. She is definitely worth waking up every 3 hours for.

Kambree is now a month old! I cannot believe how fast that month went. 

Her Favorite Things:

-Tubby time! 

-Stretching out

-Being naked 

-Cuddling 

-Music and Mobiles

And so it Begins!

Alright, I caved... I made a blog. I figured it would be a good way to keep our far-away family and friends in the loop, especially once Baby Taylor is born. I've never been good at keeping up with things like this, but we'll see how this goes! 

This past weekend CJ and I were able to go home to Texas for the weekend. It was so fun to be able to be home for my birthday and for Mother's Day! While we were in town I also had a baby shower, and it was seriously the shower of all showers! My mom, grandma and my sister threw it for me, and anyone who knows my mom and grandma knows they go all out. All my friends kept telling me that they should be professional party planners. 

I mean seriously, how beautiful is that table?!

I'm horrible at taking pictures of my growing stomach, but I'm about 30 weeks here! Only 10 weeks left!!!

All the cute outfits and gifts I got at the shower made me so excited for Baby Taylor to arrive!! I can't believe I only have 10 weeks left... I'm definitely starting to get nervous, but I am so excited. Most people think I am absolutely crazy for having a baby so young and this fast after CJ and I got married. And ya know what? It is probably a little crazy. Am I ready to be mom? Will I have any idea what I am doing? No, not even in the slightest. But I don't think anyone is ever really ready to start a family. I mean how do you really "prepare" for something like that? In my opinion, you can babysit/nanny all you want and read all of the books you want, but none of that will make you finally "ready".  You just have to trust Heavenly Father and learn as you go! (Hallelujah I have an awesome mom, and mother in law, who won't mind me calling them 24/7 with a billion questions!) And that's exactly what I am going to do! I know it definitely won't be easy. In fact, it'll probably be the hardest thing I've ever done... But I cannot wait. I know without a doubt that this baby was meant to come at this time to Ceej and I, and I love her so much already! 

BABY UPDATE: Baby Taylor already has the cutest little personality. She loves to tease people, especially her dad. One of her favorite things to do is move around and kick, and then as soon as dad touches my stomach to feel her, she'll stop. Then as soon as he takes his hand away, she starts right back up again! It's frustrating for poor Ceej, but Baby Taylor and I get a laugh out of it. :) She's pretty dang shy though right now... Whenever I go in for an ultrasound, she is always hiding from us! She never lets us see her face! I can tell you her spine is in tip-top shape though since that's all she'll let us see! As far as cravings go, I haven't really had any! Although the past couple of days I have realllly wanted a big waffle with whipped cream and strawberries on it, so I'm thinking I may need to go to Waffle Love on Saturday. I have been feeling great though! No more sickness or anything (YAY)! My legs get super restless at night though and it makes it impossible to sleep sometimes. I seriously think I would rather be nauseous than these dang leg cramps. So if any of y'all have any advice on how to help with restless legs in the third trimester, let me know! 

SHOUTOUT: A huge thank to you everyone who helped with my baby shower (both my Provo shower and my Texas shower) and also to everyone who came. Seriously, thank you so much. It meant a lot to see you all there! I'll try and get thank you cards written, but I am seriously the worst at those, so it might take some time. So just know that I really appreciate it! :)